Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Sister Act 2 Knew What was Up

Originally this blog was going to be a showcase of art and music that I believe parallel each other. On occasion it's also been a place where I noted exactly how films can translate into fashion, however I haven't posted in a very long time and my life has changed in some extreme ways. First of all, I am currently a displaced student. I had a bit of a crack up due to stress while attending Belmont and working full-time and doing a musical theater show all at the same time. Following that I returned to Belmont, however I still couldn't quite cut it. I was suspended for a semester, and I returned in the spring of 2014. However, I got sick with strep and missed quite a few days and then my mother went into the hospital. Basically, I'm not suspended for a year i.e. I can return to Belmont in the fall of 2015 if I want to. I am hoping to transfer to TSU where my father works and graduate next May, but I am not completely sure that will happen. But it's best to stay positive right? Anyways, in the midst of all this anxiety during my hospital stay and my mother's I made the bad decision to trust the wrong people and I got drunk/ roofied and woke up surrounded by cops and in my driver's seat. I was booked for a DUI, however I made a bad choice to trust some other people and proceeded to get arrested for a second DUI. I have no idea what will happen exactly. I hope that it'll be a minimum of 4 days in jail or a facility, a fine, an interlock device on my car, and AA/ community service (both of which I have already started anyways). I'm hoping that from here on I can parlay it towards a better future for myself. I have separated from the toxic company who have helped me make some seriously bad decisions. All I want to do is fulfill all my legal requirements, pay off all of my outstanding school debts, pay off all my bills, finish my degree, get a real job, and find my calling.

First and foremost (since I can't control what happens in court): My mother and father have both made some comments about my appearance lately. Ironically, they both said the opposite my mom believes I need to dress up more and my dad thinks I need to wear more play clothes. So, once I am able to return to school and work I need to figure out a way to balance the two looks. Our goal more play clothes and more clothes befitting my mother's idea of a 24 year old. It's going to be difficult to figure out what my mother wants, because I wear what most 24 year old's wear. Wish me luck!

Secondly, I need to create a routine or schedule if you will, that makes the most of my time, allows me to still get sleep, and participate in my favorite activities (eating, theater, writing, movies, buzzfeed quizzes, and reading). Because who doesn't love a good buzzfeed quiz!

Thirdly, I don't believe I'm an alcoholic, however I do believe that I have attributed my attractiveness to certain groups of people to be directly related to my willingness to drink in excess in front of them. I can go months and years without a drink, but when around certain people I feel as though they won't like me otherwise. I attribute this to my shyness as well. I find it hasn't gone away and in fact I've been masking it depending on whom I around. With my true friends I don't feel the need to drink, when it comes to others I interact with I feel as though it's necessary. I want to use therapy and AA to reach a point where if I want a drink I can get one, and if I don't want one I don't get one no matter whom I'm with. I want to reach a level of confidence, where I don't feel as though I have to do anything, drink, dress a certain way, speak a certain way, or anything else to fit in. I'm 24 it's time to start being comfortable in my own skin, and if that means I lose what "friends" I have, then I lose what friends I have.

Fourth: I want a real job that allows me to live without the help of my parents. I need a full-time position that allows me to live on my own and pay all of my bills on my own. This job needs to utilize my strengths while simultaneously allowing me to grow as well. I want to pay down my school loans, and I want to create a very healthy savings account once again. A savings account that will help me reach my number one goal.

Fifth: I want to get back down to 110-120lbs by my 25th birthday. I have been well overweight for some time now, but it is difficult to tell when you look at me. I'm only 5'2.5 I should never be over 125 and yet I'm over 140. It's no bueno. I want to get healthy again with a workout that is something I can both enjoy and get worked hard.

My final and ultimate goal: I want to move to Paris, France to live for at least a year. It is my favorite place in the world (Seattle is number 2 and NYC is number 3 and I'm pretty sure if I were to go anytime soon Ireland would beat NYC). I want to live there for an entire year. I want to live there with or without a job, budgeting of course, but not so broke that I can't eat more than once a day. I've been researching living expenses and such for years, and I've seen how much cheaper it can be to live abroad rather than here in the US. Frankly, it's always been a dream of mine to live abroad, and I know it needs to happen soon rather than later. So my focus is to save enough to live with or without a job and write some novels. I want to be an NYT bestseller. I want to go to the Romance Writer's Fest as a featured author not just a spectator. I want to be number on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and everywhere else. Living in France for a year will help push my inspiration and creativity to unbelievable heights. So my final goal that I can complete myself for the betterment of myself is to save enough money to move to France for one entire calendar year. August- August, with only A trip home for Christmas as an American respite. Vive La France!

This year has sucked, but I refuse to allow that suckiness to continue for the rest of my life. I have to move on, because otherwise it's not going to get any better. Sister Mary Clarence said it best: if you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you better wake up, and pay attention.

Thanks to youtube/ Sister Act2, wikipedia/Eugene Delacroix,, new york post and misty copeland for some amazing pics and video.

Monday, April 14, 2014

What Have I done?

I have neglected this blog for far too long, so be prepared for a resurgence of blog posts weekly as well as a renewed focus and sense of spirit from your blogger aka me. There will be elements of previous posts, art and music parallels, fashion and film parallels, but as I've grown up in the last three years so have my tastes and interests.